Tag Archives: Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi

Caliphate, Iraq, Jihadis, Syria, Terrorism

Volcanoes of Jihad: Disappointed ISIS Caliph Misses Some Hot Dates in Paradise………

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Caliph Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi (a k a Ibrahim Awwad) has just called for “volcanoes of jihad” in an audio message. That was after the Caliph himself reportedly missed a close American volcano last week. It was clear within hours of the reported air raid that the Caliph had survived: they would have announced it quickly and condolences exchanged. We never hide death which is a repayment on a debt that must be repaid. Even the cutthroats among us don’t do that.
He had an appointment with an American bomb that would have transported him to the arms of many comely Houris of renewable virginity (no, not surgical renewal). He would have gone to sipping Mai Tai and Chateau Paradise with dinner by the riverside. A martyr’s life, afterlife.
As it was, he was denied. He was never beamed up to the place he expects to end up in. Which is as well, since many more expect him to end up in the other warmer place where the trident would poke his posterior, herding him southward.
Better luck next time, Abu. Not that it really matters to those Chechens and others you would leave behind………..

Cheers
Mohammed Haider Ghuloum

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Caliphate, Iraq, Islamic History, Jihadis, Syria, Uncategorized, US Foreign Policy

Where is Caliph Al Baghdadi? the Road to Manhattan………

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“Put yourself in the shoes (and sixth-century black robes) of ISIS’ Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the mysterious boss of the terror group that is striking fear into the hearts of leaders around the world………. Baghdadi, his Cabinet advisers and his two key deputies comprise the executive branch of the government, known as “Al Imara.” The two deputies — Abu Ali al-Anbari and Abu Muslim al-Turkmani, veteran Iraqi military officials who served under Saddam Hussein — to oversee Syria and Iraq………..”

This Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, reportedly né Ibrahim al-Samarrai, is a curious character, as far as Wahhabi terrorist mass murderers go. We have had only one public sighting of him, with a Hollywood-style setting and Ben Hur attire. Allah be praised, as old Hollywood films claim we always say. That was when he gave us the good news and glad tidings that, yes, he has decided to declare himself the latest Caliph, the latest Khalifa successor of the Prophet Mohammed. Ruler of the Umma (that would not be all of us, only those willing to convert to the joys of Wahhabism).

What is interesting now is that he seems to have joined Waldo in an undisclosed location. There has been no news from or about him. There is no personality cult around him. No hint of it after that inaugural appearance, not yet. A personality cult is the first thing a new Arab regime usually starts with. But that is probably related to the religious nature of this movement and this temporary “state”. Even Osama Bin Laden had more of a personality cult in the Western media than he did among Sunni Muslims or even among many fellow Wahhabi Muslims (no need to explain what Shi’as and others thought of him).
Could be that power among the leadership of ISIS is more dispersed and less concentrated, more by consensus, than is common in our region. That could be a deliberate attempt to imitate the very first four Caliphs of Islam, from Abu Bakr through Ali. After that came the Umayyads and the Islamic State became a hereditary monarchy. Or could be that this Caliph is just trying hard to avoid the same fate as the humorless Jordanian terrorist Abu Mus’eb Al Zarqawi and Osama Bin Laden and a few others.

No news yet on whether Caliph Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi plans to attend the coming session of the United Nations General Assembly. It would be fun if the president of Columbia University invites him to be grilled or roasted on campus, as he did for Ahmadinejad a few years ago. Perhaps he will send Izzat Ibrahim al Douri (Abu Baath), Saddam’s surviving albino deputy.

Legend has it that al Samarrai has,  in the past, promised to get to New York,  to get New York. I strongly suspect and hope, however, that New York will get to him, will get him, first.

Cheers
Mohammed Haider Ghuloum

[email protected]

Caliphate, Iraq, Islamic History, Jordan, Syria, Uncategorized, Wahhabi

Economics of Jihadist Sex: Caliph of Mosul as a Family Man……..

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The Caliph of ISIS and Mosul, Mr. Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi, prefers that to his name of birth (reportedly the very ordinary Ibrahim Al Samarrai). Actually his Caliphness has now added two new names to his known nom de guerre: al Husseini and al Quraishi, thus claiming that he is a descendant of the Prophet and a member of his extinct tribe of Quraish. (How about some DNA tests?)

His predecessor the mirthless Jordanian Abu Mos’ab Al Zarqawi bin Humorless (also a fake name) was offed by the American forces in Iraq before he could ascend the Caliphate. Maybe he just did not think of it: too stupid or not so ambitious, or maybe he did not get the humor of it all.

There is a report that the leader of the “Islamic State”, the Caliph Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi is now encouraging his followers to marry if they are not married and to remarry if they are already married. That is, if they are not satisfied with the ‘freebees’ they have reportedly been getting from non-Wahhabi female war captives and female groupies who have flocked from North Africa and Europe to, er, satisfy the Jihadists trying to find a shortcut to Paradise.

I have been told by my special reporter on Wahhabi affairs that he Jihadists, especially those from the Arabian Peninsula and North Africa normally prefer ‘female company’ from Europe or even America. That might explain the increase in online Internet and social media advertisement for Jihadista ‘sisters’ to come to Syria and Iraq and serve their faith in the only way women are allowed by the Caliph to serve.

Anyway, this Caliph is now offering to pay the wedding costs of his fighters: a house (probably taken from a Shi’a or a Kurd or a Yazidi or a Christian), furniture, in addition to US$1200 in cash (yep: real heathen kaffir American greenbacks). He is also offering an increase in their wages of $100 per wife plus $50 per child. It would be interesting to see the study that led to these specific figures. After all: captured war booty, the concubines, might be cheaper in more than one way.

All that might explain the sudden spike in online trafficking and enticements to Arab and Western women to “go to the Caliphate, young woman, while it lasts“. Older women need not apply.
Cheers
Mohammed Haider Ghuloum