Category Archives: Jackasses

How Many Jackasses are Needed at One Wedding?……….

      


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“According to the wedding-trend reporters at the Knot, donkeys at weddings are literal walking icebreakers, beasts that will lighten the burden of socializing. An Arizona company called Haul N Ass Productions has trained them to walk around, distributing beer from saddlebags. They also carry their own carrot snacks. For entirely donkey-themed nuptials, there’s the Donkey Sanctuary in England, which was registered as a wedding venue in 2013. Couples marry in a decorated stable. Two of the participating donkeys are named Mopsy and Zippo. Donkeys are especially popular in Tex-Mex-Southwestern-themed weddings. At this wedding, the donkey wore a floral straw hat and looked pissed off. At this wedding the donkey tried to eat the fancy floral arrangement, which, in his defense, looked like hay…………….”

I am not going to comment. Just do the math. How many jackasses are needed at one wedding? That depends……....
Yet, Since I started again on donkeys (or jackasses if you prefer) in my last post.
Speaking of which (and this is not a comment): a few years ago Arab media reported about a wedding in Damascus (of all places). During the celebrations, the bride decided to sing to her groom as they danced. Unfortunately she picked a silly Egyptian song that was apparently very popular. Its title: I love you, jackass (بحبك يا حمار). That marriage was never consummated.

GCC Migration of Equus Asinus: Former Plain Donkeys become Leading Jackasses………

      


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“I don’t know if there’s already a designated creature, which holds the title of National Animal of Bahrain, but to my mind none would be more deserving than Equus asinus – the donkey. No other animal has toiled more for the people of Bahrain, nor contributed more to the country’s prosperity than this humble creature. Before the widespread use of motor vehicles, donkeys were the main means of transport. Every village, and central Manama itself, was teeming with donkeys. They were used to transport sweet water and kerosene around the neighbourhoods; they took goods to and from the market place; they pulled the municipal rubbish carts; they collected fish from the seashore; and, before air transport, they were used to bring ashore passengers from boats during low tide. It is thought that all domestic donkeys originated from the Nubian wild ass (Equus asinus africanus), and the first domesticated donkeys were probably imported into Bahrain during the Dilmun era, when the inhabitants of the islands practised a flourishing trade in the import/export business. Donkey bones dating from the third and second millennium BC have been unearthed at various archaeological sites around Bahrain, providing historical evidence of the close association between people and donkeys in Bahrain……………..”




The
writer says that he does not know if “there’s already a designated creature, which holds the title of National Animal of Bahrain”. I got news for her (or him): the people have already chosen the national animal of Bahrain, and they all seem to agree that it is the ass (or donkey or jackass). Or maybe I should say Al-Ass (or Al-Donkey or Al-Jackass). Why do you think they have been rebelling for three years?

That
article was written in 2007, before the people rebelled against all them long-eared Als. It was published by a daily that calls itself “The Voice of Bahrain”.

It
says here that Nubian asses were imported into Bahrain centuries ago, but that was probably on a small scale. I was told by sources in Bahrain and Kuwait that most donkeys of Bahrain seem to have migrated to the island with the Al-Khalifa clan. When the clan moved through Kuwait to Bahrain about a couple of centuries ago, suddenly the number of asses in Bahrain increased dramatically, while the number of donkeys in my native Kuwait decreased dramatically. I wonder if there is a connection between the dramatic shift in asinine demographics. That this is how the Equus asinus became the Equus asinus Bahrainicus.

I
was also told by someone who claims she is knowledgeable that, immediately after that migration, the average intelligence of a resident of Kuwait skyrocketed, even before I was born in the Sharq district. At the same time the average intelligence of a resident of Bahrain dropped sharply with the new arrivals. Street crime also increased on the island, eventually aided and abetted by Western advisers and weapons and imported foreign mercenaries. Looting and thievery on a grand scale, especially of land, also increased at that time and continues to be extremely high.

I
think this requires further study, and perhaps some deep thinking. More on this soon, stay tuned.

(FYI: this is a newly altered version of an older post. It is one of those posts that I enjoy going back and reading again, and revising. It is one of the posts I like to share every once in a while. I have made some slight changes on this current post).
Cheers
mhg

m.h.ghuloum@gmail.com


Gaza Crisis: Hamas Turns to Jackasses, Ramallah and Likud………

      


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“Donkeys turn binmen as Gaza fuel crisis bites…. On a sweltering November afternoon, 10-year-old Alaa skips barefoot along a road in Gaza City picking up festering bags of rubbish and throwing them onto his father’s donkey-drawn cart. ………. People like Abu Jabal, who own a donkey and cart, are being increasingly relied on by Gaza’s Islamist Hamas government as the fuel crisis worsens. “In the past few days there’s been more pressure on us and more rubbish collecting work,” he told AFP. “At first we were tasked with picking up the rubbish outside the hospital, but now we’ve had to take collections from outside people’s homes as well.”……………….”

Now I know why the Israelis included donkeys, jackasses, and asses among items they had banned from being imported into Gaza. I had speculated about that in a posting a couple of years ago here. Too late for Hamas, of course, since they are ensconced inside Gaza and in power, just as the extreme right-wing is securely in power inside Israel. Speaking of donkeys and asses and the right-wing, I wonder how the boys in Ramallah are faring these days.
Also speaking of Hamas and Fatah (PA) and Israel and jackasses: these three four groups have so much in common, I am surprised they can’t reach a quick deal. Then again, maybe it is this common regional affinity to asses and jackasses that encouraged US Secretary of State John Kerry to launch his latest futile peace initiative.

Cheers
mhg

m.h.ghuloum@gmail.com


Puzzle of Egyptian Presidents: from a Ram to a Zombie to the next Arab Ass……..

      


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Egyptian have been blessed, if that term can be used here, with two unique presidents during one year:


  • The first was the elected Mohamed Morsi, whom many of his opponents called “kharoof”. Kharoof means sheep in Arabic, actually a male sheep, a ram. Being like a ram is considered a desirable quality in the West, it indicates strength and stubbornness and a distinct unequal ability to butt heads. Something Mr. Morsi clearly did, which landed him in a military prison after the military coup by the man he had appointed defense minister. But alas some of his people called him a ‘ram‘ in a derogatory sense rather than in admiration: in the Middle East, especially in the Arab world, we don’t appreciate the finer qualities of some five-legged animals. For example, being called a ‘bull‘ is considered a good thing in the West, as long as it is not in a China shop. In our region a bull is considered an insult, a sign of stupidity, which shows how stupid we can be. As for being called an ass, or a jackass or donkey, I would not want to go there, we have too many of those asses who are only willing and eager to replace the maligned rams and bulls. From the looks of things, many of these asses make it.
  • The second Egyptian president of the year is even more questionable if only because he seems invisible, even with his girth. That would be Mr. Adly Mansour, whom I correctly dubbed early on as president Adly Mansour Al Zombie. He did then and he still does look like a zombie.
  • It is not clear who the next president of Egypt will be. Will he be another kharoof (ram)? Will he be another zombie? Or will he be the usual Arab ass?

Cheers
mhg

m.h.ghuloum@gmail.com




Iraq Anniversary and Iran and the Jackasses of America……………

         


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Music: The Wonky Donkey Song

Since I seem to be covering donkeys and asses and jackasses extensively these days:
Some anchorwoman on CNN asked this morning: “What did we learn from the Iraq war?” My tweeted response was “To get ready to try and do the same in Iran”.
I was not referring just to the jackasses (and plain asses) in the United States Senate and Congress, nor only to those American officials repeating the discredited but self-serving stupid political mantra that all options are on the table”. The U.S. media is being played beautifully by the Neo-Warmongers, so that it is almost at the same position it was ten years ago.

Cheers
mhg

m.h.ghuloum@gmail.com




Asses of Columbus Straddle the Rio Bravo del Norte, O Canada…………..

         


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“In 1495, the ass first appeared in the New World brought by Christopher Columbus. Shortly after America won her independence, President George Washington imported the first mammoth jack stock into the young country. Despite these early appearances of donkeys in American society, the donkey did not find widespread favor in America until the 1800…………….”

So what it says is that the donkey (ass, jackass) arrived in America with Columbus. I am not sure how many priests sailed on those three ships. Yet three centuries later, the asses had replaced the natives of the new world. More than that: they dominate both houses of the U.S. Congress, especially the House of Representatives. Not to mention that they dominate and rule most countries south of the Rio Bravo del Norte. And north of it: I almost forgot Mr. Stephen Harper of Canada.

Cheers
mhg

m.h.ghuloum@gmail.com