The Saudi King’s Speech: Shocking or Funny or Usual Blah?………….

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  Bahrain facing the tanks

“You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it’s evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world….”

A royal website
has been notifying Saudi citizens, tweeting, that King Abdullah will deliver a speech to his loyal subjects (no mention of any disloyal subjects). It also said the speech will be followed by a series of royal “orders” (maybe be the English translation is “royal decrees”). Speculation has been rife among Saudis on the web about what he will say. I tried to speculate about what he will NOT say and do: 

  • Announce his abdication (retirement) and appoint his loyal nephew Bandar Bin Sultan as heir.
  • Announce that the kingdom of Saudi Arabia will be henceforth be known as the Republic of Saudi Arabia.

  • Announce his “conversion” to Shi’ism and that he considers Ayatollah Ali Sistani as his marj’e (religious guide), until further notice.

  • Announce that he has been dabbling in the writings of Hegel, Marx and Lenin, in that order, in recent years. That he has become a Marxist, but an Islamic one.
  • Announce that he is coming out of the closet: that he had been a secret revolutionary for some time now. He starts humming to the tune of Lennon’s (not Lenin’s) “Revolution”

  • Do a mea culpa, apologize to the people of Bahrain for invading their country and help shooting them down along with al-Khalifa and Abu Dhabi foreign mercenaries.

  • Announce that he is taking a cut in his salary, and that other princes have agreed to do the same.

  • Announce that every Saudi citizen shall get 1,000 riyal bonus (for being there).
  • Announce that the government will pay the salary of one Asian or African housemaid for each Saudi family for a period of five years. Claim that he can get a better deal through ‘buying” bulk.

  • Announce that he is going on a long vacation to the Appalachian Trail (the one in Argentina).
  • Announce that his maternal great-grand mother was half Jewish.