My Super Bowl Fatwa: Scandalous Fatwas, Harmless Fatwas…….
Why I may issue my own Fatwas:
Another terrorist bombing in Karbala today killed tens of Iraqis, certainly all Shi’as, and wounded tens more. The same happened in Karachi, Pakistan, where the Salafis are active against the Shi’as. No fatwas from the surrounding Arab states against these wanton killings of civilians who are of a different faith (sect).
- In the past years there has been a slew of fatwas from clerics, shaikhs in places like Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and other Persian Gulf states bestowing martyrdom and good times forever on many victims of natural disasters, wars, terrorist acts.
- One shaikh fatwad that those who die of the Swine Flu are martyrs who will go to paradise. He did not say that only Muslims will get these perks, nor did he specify one Muslim sect, but he clearly meant that.
- A shaikh fatwad that those who were killed in a fire in a huge wedding tent in the desert (outside my own hometown) are martyrs who will also go to heaven. I thought that was a way to comfort the families of the victims, a good thing. No complaint there.
- In Saudi Arabia last year, a shaikh fatwad that all those who died in the Jeddah floods were martyrs.
- Earlier this year another sheikh fatwad that all Saudi soldiers who die in the border war in Yemen will be martyrs. Damn if that last one doesn’t sound like al-Qaeda theoreticians at work.
- Some shaikhs in Saudi Arabia (possibly in Yemen as well) have fatwad that it is fine and kosher for older men to marry minor girls, like 12 years old. The Saudi Mufti himself has in the past declared opposition to any restrictions on this practice (he may soon get orders from the potentates to change that tune).
- I expect that when certain Arab dictators finally pass away there will be a fatwa or two declaring them martyrs in the cause of screwing up their countries and screwing their peoples in the process. But that will only happen if their sons inherit the regime, otherwise there will be no benefit to the sheikh issuing the fatwa (dead men don’t talk, punish, or reward).
- One fatwa that rankled was from a Dean of the College of Shari’a in my hometown university (I did not attend that university but I occasionally taught economics courses there). He fatwad against Barbie, everyone’s favorite doll, including some potentates’.
- There have been fatwas in the past against believing that people have actually landed on the moon and others against believing in the Big Bang (not the one for the London Financial Market in the 1980s), and not ‘that other’ one either.
- Another fatwa ruled against pet shops in Saudi Arabia (I didn’t know they had them) selling dogs and cats (no explanations given, they almost never do, which make them sound reasonable).
- Several fatwas ruled against celebrating Valentine’s Day with anything beyond the usual daily regulation Arab scowl.
- Many fatwas ruled against any celebrations of non-Muslim holidays.
- Many fatwas ruled against telling Christians “Merry Christmas” or even “Happy Holidays” or even humming “Fa La la” or “O Tannenbaum”.
- A top Egyptian shaikh last year issued a fatwa legalizing the “messayar”, a sort of Saudi part-time vacation marriage whereby the only obligation a couple have to each other is sexual. They don’t even live together: they just hook up when convenient. That one came suspiciously just before the summer tourist season when thousands of Saudis descent on Cairo for fun and games.
- There are reports that some Wahhabi shaikhs have issued not-so-secret fatwas encouraging young Wahhabis (but not Wahhabettes) to “go to Iraq, young man…” and kill, kill, kill the heretics.
- Oddly, there has been no specific fatwa against sharing Hannukah or other celebrations with the Jewish people, nor against attending a Bat Mitzvah or a Bat Mitzvah. I had attended a few events some years ago and I was concerned, even though I am not of the Wahhabi or Salafi denomination ( most people of Shi’a background are not usually).
- The last straw came yesterday, when an Egyptian shaikh, a former shaikh at that, issued a fatwa against using Facebook (on the grounds that it is responsible for a spike in adultery and divorce in Egypt). Odd: I must have my eyes closed when I use Facebook, or maybe everybody else uses code language.
- There have also been many fatwas costume designed to fit the needs and policies of Arab oligarchs and dictators. Almost all public fatwas tend to support government policies, or at least don’t contravene them.
- I shall not get into the American fatwas of Pat Robertson and his nutty ilk, not the fatwas of some rabid rabbis in the West Bank.
Henceforth, I shall be issuing periodic fatwas, as warranted or not, on this website. I shall also publish fatwas issued by the competition, just so that I won’t get bored.
My first Fatwa is that the New Orleans Saints should win the Super Bowl.
Cheers
mhg
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